NOVICE…

Yes, my title means a lot. It just so happened that I was able to read a bulletin post in this one of the famous social-network website, www.friendster.com. I stand neutral into this issue. Well, I don’t have the right here to relate in details what is that certain situation that triggers me to have this post but I just wanted to express my reaction-atleast this is within the bounds of my freedom to express. I just can’t understand why do we have to defeat the purpose of that latest three days journey with God. I know and felt how it is to be harrassed but atleast we would consider the hardships and difficulties of others’ life experiences. It’s just that, pulling each other down would never help the situation to become better. Why can’t we help this someone out from the darkness? Sorry guys, if my thoughts here are really vague but to people who are concern with these - even at glance will get my point. I just hope that little-by-little, you, my very close friend will have that place in your heart for a genuine acceptance and eventually forgiveness. Let’s just help each other make our world a better place to live.

May God bless us with peace in our hearts!

August 15 to 17 of 2007 marked another significant event of my life and the rest of the IT Seniors batch 2007-2008. It was our retreat in The Benedictine Retreat House in Digos City. They are known to be one of the most beautiful and prominent retreat house in Davao del Sur. They are also the producers of the savoring taste and freshness of their dairy products such as their fresh milks both in plain and chocolate flavor. But I won’t be sharing to you about their products but of course I would be very grateful to share to you my experience and learning in this short yet very meaningful journey.

Secluded from the noise in the city and away from the usual activities that I’ve been busy of, is really the best way to seek for your own self, rather I would say seeking of myself.

Days before and even the moment of our departure didn’t give me any sign of excitement, anticipation even willingness to join the activity. Frankly speaking, I joined to meet one of the seniors’ requirements. Yes, that’s only the reason at start why I was present in the retreat. I even came late during our departure because I really was hesitant to join and I’ve been struggling the few hours before if either I’ll go or not.  “I’ll go” won so here I am.

At arrival, they welcomed us with bountiful snacks then orientation of the rules given to us by one of the Benedictine sisters *I forgot the name*, and then followed by an orientation given by our retreat master, Fr. Patrick Mariano. All we just have to do is to listen for gongs: gong for meals and gong for sessions.

If we talk about meals, it was really great. And as usual, if we talk about sessions—it has something to do with life. But this time around, I think of the usual session but it was not what I expected. We really are just so grateful because Fr. Patrick delivers the topic with fun yet strikes the deepest cells in our body and soul. Yes, “kung pa igo-ay lang, pirting hawda ni father. Igo jud ko tagos pa sa bukog.” Indeed every session ends with me being hit by his words, his lecture, as in everything.

Now comes the curfew hour to go to bed when my stupidity activates. Yes, I just thought about I’m tired of following rules, what if I’ll join the club of those rule breakers, and indeed I did it. Geez, I sneaked out that night and went to my classmates’ room then played, laughed with them. As in we were laughing out loud to the max. Our campus minister was pissed off, went to the room and beat us with words such as “Animal mong dagko,paulion tamo karon. Saba kaayo mo, mga animala mo.” Those words echoed in my ears and I wished to freak her out, that old woman! Geez, I was really having fun doing stupid things that night because after being scolded twice, we went down to the boys’ quarters played with them, fooled until I and Mona managed to hide under their bed every time someone knocks silently on the door. Uhmm, now I felt how it is to be a rule breaker. It doesn’t just end up that way, lunch time of our second day of stay there, my phone was confiscated because that old woman caught me texting beside the door of my room. I can’t just understand why she has to confiscate it when I only used it in my room; I never have used it during sessions. And because, I don’t know how I would react to that situation and all I have in my mind is her highest level of inconsideration, I did not join the session after that hour and even did not join our merienda. I just slept the whole afternoon and woke up for dinner and prepared myself for the sharing activity at night.

I have to thank that incident because while I was sleeping, I found silence in my heart and thoughts from here and there came. For those few hours of sleep, I was able to seek the long lost ME. Yes, I am lost for so long to the extent that I pushed God away in my life as if I don’t need him, I no longer say my prayers and everything against him. I see that and I’m so grateful because through that sleep I was awakened…sounds ironic??? I hope you got the point. Here comes the sharing, wow—my eyes are swelling because of the seemingly overflowing tears. I cried all out my feelings, all the pains, as in I released it to the max. The morning of our last half day stay gave me the chance to receive the Holy Sacrament of Confession and Holy Eucharist. Because of the practical and very wonderful inputs Fr. Patrick have given us, I gained strength to confess the most shameful thing I’ve done in my entire life and I think that was the greatest sin I’ve committed. I’m very grateful for the courage that I have that strength to confess it and accept that I really have sinned. Now, that I found myself, a better me – I swear to live the learning I have until my very last breath.