It was an honest confrontation that happened this afternoon. My "—-" in the institution told me that the ‘grace’ she knew three years ago has changed, not into a better individual but she sees me becoming worst. She reasoned that I’ve been too close to them and get very familiar with them and she sees me losing the gap that I should have with them. She’s partly right. I believe so. Well, those were the most painful words I heard for so long now. Maybe the truth spanked me and it really hurts—it really did
. It doesn’t just end up with that scene but she extensively have shown to me how she enfavor this someone over me. Have you ever felt to be an outcast in the group? That is how I felt-that is how she made me feel.
I silently thank her in my heart because she has awakened me to have time to assess more of myself, my acts and everything in me. I went home having that painful feeling. My mind wandered miles and miles away, assessing the past and present things I’ve done. And I came up with this realization. …
I realized that scene is intended for me to keep track of what I’ve been doing with the gift of life God had given me. Am I being rude to others? Am I being too gentle? Thoughts of like this and that. I knew I could never please everyone because in the very first place I don’t live to please anybody. I do things to please only one—and that is GOD. I live my life as if there’s no more tomorrow. I live my life the way I want it to be because I want myself to be happy. And maybe because of that reason I unexpectedly became very self-conceited. I knew I shouldn’t live up with the standards of other people but I have to adjust and adapt because I am in a society and I have to interact with them. I knew of unruly things she has done but I am not in the position (’i'll NEVER be in that position’) to throw any judgments to her. And so I focused to myself. Atleast judging or assessing myself is within the bounds of my freedom. The pain in fact still lingers in me at this very moment. A pain of others’ misconception and maybe a pain driven by my own. I thank God for this extraordinary things that happened to me this day because I learned that the more I should value the people who believes in me, the more that I should value myself and above all, the more that I should value my God!
